Marriage jokes

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A man took his wife to the doctors.
After a short examination the doctor said
"Your wife's mind has completely gone!"
To which the man replied "I'm not surprised.
She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!"

Rating: 2.2 |

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to
stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night.
She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking,
classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,"
remarked his friend.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough
for me."

Rating: 1.8 |

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the
subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,"
the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I
majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act
like I'm listening."

Rating: 1.8 |

At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:

Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."

Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to
change your mind?"

Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn't know
there would be women on the jury. Since I can't even fool my
wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors."

Rating: 2.0 |

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish
funeral?

One less drunk.

Rating: 3.0 |

Next marriage jokes »

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