AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Marriage jokes and funny stories.

The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk of
alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she
barked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in
at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."

One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up
behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, "I'm
going to kiss you if you can't tell me who I am in three guesses."
She quickly answered, "George Washington! Thomas Jefferson!
Abraham Lincoln!"

The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn
in as American citizens.
"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at
last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?"
"Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook
dinner!"

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty
4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find
a fake Jeep?"

A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend
had proposed but she had turned him down because she found
out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell.
"Marry him anyway, dear." the Mother said. "Between the two
of us, we'll show him just how *wrong* he is."