Marriage jokes

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"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was
down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
"Did he get anything." his mates asked.
"yeah, a broken jaw and six teeth knocked out. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

Rating: 2.6 |

When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he
got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.
Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living.
I think I'm gonna top myself."
"Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left
me too, yet I'm happy."
"How?" asked Joe.
"Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally
submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work
do you do?"
"I clean out septic tanks." Joe replied.

Rating: 2.4 |

A man was complaining to a friend.
"I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a
beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"My wife found out."

Rating: 4.4 |

"Oh love, what did you ever do to deserve a wife like me?"
she said looking lovingly into her husbands eyes.
"I don't know, but I promise I'll never do it again."

Rating: 2.8 |

A man answers the phone and has the following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most
difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard.
Well, you know how she is.
"Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that
she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and
you begged me not to marry her.
"You were perfectly right.
"You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the
telephone and calls to his wife in the next room:
"Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"

Rating: 3.0 |

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