Marriage jokes
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A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum said, "No."
The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can
see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet
down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me."
The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear',
I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."
"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in
common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth
did you get married?"
"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract',"
was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."
A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins. She
looks surprised and says, I don't have a headache!"
He says, "Aha!"
Wife: "Do you think of me when you're away darling?"
Husband: "Yes honey, I always bare you in mind."
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