AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Marriage jokes and funny stories.

The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He
took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he
proposed, "Bernie, if you will marry me, I have enough money
to provide you with anything your little heart desires."

"Sorry John." she replied. "I'm not ready to settle down yet.
And besides, you can't buy my love, but if the price is right, I
might see my way clear to rent you some."

I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

"What is she doing?", the pal asks.

"Waiting for me to get home."

Attorney to witness: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?"

Witness: "Where am I Cathy?"

Attorney: "And why did that upset you?"

Witness: "Because my name is Susan."

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the
doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the
first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor
replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say
something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it
again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her
deafness".

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He
starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping
some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response.
He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet
closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about
an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son
riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where did you get the
money for the bike? It must have cost $300."

"Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone,
Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see
Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"