Marriage jokes

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I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar
looking for me and I asked for her number.

Rating: 4.0 |

Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this
temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job
on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the
office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore,
I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."

Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???"

Rating: 1.6 |

A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the
detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of
compromising situations as the man can get.

Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs.
They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos.
The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park
laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he
watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and
the man are sharing obvious utter glee.

"Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing ! I just can't believe it."

"What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I
have all the times and dates in my log."

"I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that
much fun."

Rating: 2.4 |

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully
enjoying himself,
when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his
head with a huge
frying pan.
Man: "What was that for?"
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name
Marylou written on
Man: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?
Marylou was
the name of one of the horses I bet on."
The wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house.
Three days later he is
once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan
Man: "What the hell was that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called."

Rating: 3.6 |

An old man and woman were married for years even though
they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,
screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A
constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the
man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the
grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible
for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He
was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral
had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to
the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her
neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are
you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who
practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig
his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for
the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig.
I had him buried upside down."

Rating: 2.8 |

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