AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Marriage jokes and funny stories.

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside
a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab
salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked
where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded.
"She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he
your husband?" "Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered..... "I'll give you 100 camels
for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long
silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her
husband what took him so long to answer, to which the
husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100
camels back home."

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw
a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and
couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her,
and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, little
lady, that's done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake
up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat."

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl
approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play
house?"
He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts."
"Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I
have no idea what that means."
The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the
husband."

Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance
company ...

Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.
Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that.
We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one
of comparable worth.
Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand
still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and
kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the
corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I got married?"

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: "Come and bury my wife."
"But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker.
"I got married again," the man sobbed.
"Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."